3 Steps To Feeling Instantly Happier

3 Steps To Feeling Instantly Happier

It's a grim day.
You've fought with your partner.
You hate your job.
Everyone seems to be thriving during this quarantine, and you've gained four pounds, Amazon has lost your package, and your holiday is not being refunded.
Nothing is going right AT. ALL. 
TIME FOR A PITY PARTY
Now you're going to do the only thing that seems plausible, and even appealing, at this time: you slump your shoulders, put depressive music on, retrieve the tub of ice-cream, and you wallow in self-pity. HARD. Or you get REALLY angry. Or you feel incredible anxiety. 
THE INGREDIENTS TO A GOOD PITY PARTY
Giving attention to a negative feeling can often mean you become it, and it means you:
  • express it in your body (slumped, not prone to moving, stuck in the same spot for hours, or grinding your teeth, balling your hands in fists, or carrying out repetitions, breathing quickly etc)
  • focus on things that sustain your beliefs, by only calling upon depressive or angry or anxious memories, by surrounding yourself with negative outputs or angry, anxious thoughts. 
  • discuss it and apply meaning to it ( I have depression, that's why everyone leaves me. I am an angry person, that's why I can never have a peaceful conversation with anyone)
  • you go around in circles in a discussion or argument (unable to think outside of your roundabout, unwilling to consider other ideas, because you and you alone feel like this)
It's important to note that it is absolutely OK to feel bad and to experience negative emotions. Part of the process of healing is the ability to sit with pain, and just let it have its own space, its own moment where we acknowledge we are suffering, and we just carve a room inside of us where we let this feeling live without needing to repress it or fix it. Yep, read that again.
But we also must be aware that there ARE ways out. 
CREATING A POSITIVE EMOTIONAL STATE
Creating Positive Emotional States allows us to take charge of our feelings, and be At Cause (or fully responsible) for our wellness.
Here are three simple steps you can take to break an unresourceful state 
1. Change Physiology: if the physical representation of your negative state is slumped shoulders, head down, limp posture, shift that into shoulders back, head held up high, standing up straight. Shake things out. Move. Go for a walk, jump a little, smile (even if at no one). If you're angry and holding tension in your jaw, hands or shoulders, release those muscles, and notice the tension release. 
Now, think. HOW DOES YOUR DEPRESSION OR ANGER FEEL when your body is this perked up, this relaxed? 

 

2. Change Attention: if instead of focusing on anxious, anger inducing or depressive inputs, you call on positive memories, how does that feel? If you focus on emotions like joy, or better yet gratitude, are you still able to feel anger or depression to that same level? If instead of replaying memories of fights you watch kittens on YouTube, how has your mood changed? 
Now, think. HOW DOES YOUR DEPRESSION OR ANGER FEEL when your mind feels grateful? 

 

3. Change Language: unhelpful questions or statements like 'I'm a real mess' or 'why am I always feeling like this' are limiting, and can't elicit a positive state. Try asking more empowering questions, like 'what can I do to feel better' or 'I am not where I want to be, but I am carving a path to get there'
Now, think. HOW DOES YOUR DEPRESSION OR ANGER FEEL when you stop asking yourself redundant question, and talk to yourself with direction and kindness?
 
Well done for taking these important steps to owning your emotions, and let us know how these exercises have helped you. 


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